Saturday, April 17, 2010


Will leave clues of my new blog when it's ready :)

The giant feet is going to take small steps

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


I'm so lazy. Have not been reading my papers. Yet I keep finding more and more papers which I print but just read the abstract. Never really wanted to know how they plan their experiments and figure out the mechanism through the analysis of their data.

Probably I should start reading the methodology and start to be critical and question how reliable their results can be. Nevertheless, it seems I'm only interested in finding out their conclusion. HAHA...

Anw, my presentation in Journal Club is coming soon. Felling damn nervous. Because I need to present to a very formal group of people. Although the standard should be very low and in a "relaxed" manner, but judging from the possibility of having many questions being thrown at you, it's quite scary I would say.

Although my presentation date is on 17 May, I'm already starting to feel nervous about it. I think if I can survive this presentation, I'll be able to survive any kind of presentation in NUS. Because the worst presentation(in my opinion is the hons project presentation and UROPS presentation)that one can get in NUS is to defend their research work. But now, I'm required to present and defend work done by others. If suddenly someone asked why did they not do this or that, I won't know how to answer.

Understanding the flow of the experiments is already a great challenge for me, because I have to wiki one or 2 words every sentence. So having to analyze the data in it would definitely take, much much more effort(esp if it's stats data -.-").

Oh well, then again, If i really screw up, it'll really be good practise right? And I'll just smile and say," don't know la... sorry... I'm not even an undergrad... pai seh" and give my sweetest smile :Þ

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I just saw this on my bro's FB page:

"The world's longest distance,
Is when i'm standing right in front of you,
and you don't know how much i'm in love with you..

So shyan, although u are still very far from Madhan, we all know that he loves you. And I guess thats all that really matters right? All the best to you :)

Anw, I felt so sad today while giving tuition to Jun Jie. I can't believe I almost made him cry after the first 20mins. You can see his joyful deposition suddenly change to sorrow. I was like... Oh No. I almost cried on the spot as well, thank goodness I managed to control myself and complete the lesson.

Then again this method seems to work because after he emo there for 10mins, he was giving me 100% of his attention. Even while trying out the questions, you could see that he was thinking and analyzing.

Hopefully he remembers what is an atom, ion and molecule and the difference between Metallic, Ionic and Covalent compounds.

Before coming to this lesson, I was telling him I wanted longer hours of tuition and more sessions if he is not able to understand or memorise the list "essential" things(1 page only. so not that bad actually). Can see he did put in effort la. But only 50% of the stuffs went in. In addition to that, he was confuse with certain contents.

But at least we managed to clear those differences today. Luckily, before the lesson ended, he went back to his normal self la(i.e asking non-related questions and looking here and there) Hopefully I did not give him that much stress such that he starts to hate chemistry.

Anw, I'm really looking into my options now. If I can't get into a postgrad programme, i guess i can become a teacher to help the disabled. Personally I fell that right now, they are the group of singaporeans who really need the most help.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Ok lah... it is DBS that I shall go...

So I guess my fate have been decided for now. It is science(Life Sciences to be specific) which I would persue my degreee in.

I don't think I'll go for the dentistry dextirity test or interview because I can't picture myself living the life of a dentist. I know I won't be happy. Secondly, I don't think dentist can save lives. Yes they help ease unberable pain and they boost confidence in people. However I don't think that should be the main purpose in life, at least not in mine. Even if it is, I would rather choose to become an educator than a destist, because I would be able to benefit others by nuturing and guiding them such that they are equipt with skills which stays as a part of them. However what is most important is I don't grab hold onto limited spaces and dash the dreams of others. There are still people out there who wants to be a dentist and given the number of limited spaces(approx 50/year) I should not hog on them. Plus I know how it feels to be rejected from pursing your dreams

Even if I decided to diversify into research, material Science would be one of the last thing I would want to research on. I can't imagine having to create "materials" to use to replace teeths.

I probably shoudl e-mail Tzuy to let her know onces the HKU co-ordinator have replied and confirmed that I'm no longer considered as a suitable candidate for the HKU MBBS Programme. Especially since she wrote a referal for me, I really should let her know what's happening

So it's science for me now. Looking on the bright side, It just means when I do my exchange programme, I can go to Swiss/Germnay to look for Shyan, Tzuy and Madhan :)
And not forgetting the tons and tons and tons of chocolates :)

Friday, April 9, 2010

Here comes the invitation for interview...

Yes, I received the invitation to go for a selection interview and test. But, its not for medicine. It's for dentistry. When i submitted my application via the online application for NUS medicine, I decided to be "itchy finger" and put dentistry as my second choice. I was hoping to use it as a marker to indicate whether I'm out of the race for the medicine programme.

Since Dentistry is my 2nd choice and I've received the invitation for the interview, it just means I'm no longer in consideration for my first choice which is medicine. Right?


Wake up call

Maki and Jx were trying to do surgery to extract cells from the mouse today and we all had the clear signals to stay away from the hood(just in case she explodes) However she came to me and mentioned that there were only 7 embryos and 2 were pre-mature and not ready for harvest.

I decided to open my big mouth, asked for permission to take a look and went in. Well not like she exploded, but when i saw the mess, I was just wondering what happened earlier. Apparently the 2 embryos which she claimed were pre-mature(because they look quite red) were still wrapped in their embryonic sacks. I gave my opinion and they tried to squeeze out the embryo.

To my dismay, that was when all hell broke loose. The way they do the surgery is like totally different from how Tzuy does it. Their actions were clumsy, they needed to keep getting new petri-dishes as the one which they were using constantly turns red. They face enormous difficulty in removing the liver clover. And it seem to me that they were just blindly following the protocol.

I know it's their first time doing it and there is bound to be some carelessness here or there. However I start to think whether Tzuy faced those problems when she first start? I highly doubt so. She might have been slow, or there might have been errors, but I'm quite sure she was not in as bad a shape as both of them.

I decided to leave. Can't take the sight of how they are taking lives without reaping any benefits. I sat on my bench and started thinking, if I was the one who was doing the surgery, would I fluster like them? I guess I would have been much worst. Since both of them are PhD holders, I guess they have some kind of skills instill in them which I do not have. Maki use to say I have really good hands, however I guess they are just words of encouragement and seriously, who cannot turn the knob or a microscope?

It was then I came to realisation that there are places and things which effort and hardwork can bring you or allow you to obtain. However there are people out there with talent that do not need to put in any hardwork to reach your level which you've placed tremendous amount of hardwork. I guess talent really plays a real big factor in deciding on what we do. We may try our best to achieve what we want or we many put in effort to train and improve ourselves. Yet some people just simply breeze through it.

Automatically I questioned whether I'm suitable to be a medical doctor? Do i really have the "talent" to pursue a career in this field. I was told by many people that the education and science industry is more suitable for me. Especially since my family history does not have any "incredible" people. SO if i can be a teacher or a scientist, I would already have been the best so far. Yet after going through the internship which I'm in now, I'm so sure that I don't really want to enter those 2 industries.

Yet I'm not sure if I have what it takes to be a doctor. I've checked the website for checking of my application statues to HKU and it mentioned that I'm still under consideration(CAA080410). I think my chances are typically zero now. SO i really have to depend on NUS to give me the offer.... I really do hope I do at least get an interview grant....

I'm praying... really hard...

Monday, April 5, 2010

Lab Memories

Did not managed to speak to anyone today, other then the discuss with Maki, and the rather short conversation with Vin during lunch. I actually kind of miss all the old lab members.

I was alone cleaning the petri dishes when my brain started drifting away and I remember how I used to clean the petri dishes with Justin before he was about to leave the lab. I remember that the incubator was contaminated(but after some time, I think it's just cell debris)and we had nothing to do because we needed to wait for the thawed cells to grow. So we decided to clean all the dishes together by that mini sink in the lab. I guess this was the event which started breaking the ice between us. You know that day, he even went for lunch with me although he had already packed lunch to the lab? I miss Justin. At least he's now happy in Auzzie :)Hope everything is fine for him there.

After that I started to think about Tzuy. The first incident which came to my mind was the incident whereby she ask me how long did i need to use the hood and i replied that i need to split cells, then transfect. She then immediately cut in to say, Adrian, I'm asking for a time. Not what are you going to do. I replied sorry sorry and said 20mins. After that she laughed. I also remember the countless number of times her winked at me and how she had her "cat fight" with Dr sheneska(dun know how to spell. LOL) Most importantly, I will not forget her faith and trust in me that I'll be a good medical Doctor. I hope i won't have to disappoint her....

And of course, I remember Shyan. Memories from the time when I was a REAP student started coming in. I remember there was once when we were working at the fixation table, we were laughing and speaking in mandarin so loudly that we did not even realise that Maki was behind us. Until Michelle had to come and nudge us.There were also the countless times when we sign and screech our lungs out while we walk for lunch. The long screams of us being hungry on the way for lunch and screams of being very full back to the lab. The times when we do our experiments together on the bench and the times when we went Kbox together singing all the emo mandarin songs...

I guess it's because we know these memories of ours will never be repeated again that makes them sweet and valuable. A strong testament of why I should enjoy and appreciate everything that I have now :)